THE GIFT & THE CURSE

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Recently, I came across this very inspirational documentary featuring designer Tom Ford who said something so poignant that it will forever remain with me. “Perfectionism is almost an illness!” I reckon I’ve been almost ill for quite some time. It truly goes way, way…way, back. I remember, while attending primary school if my notes weren’t perfect when it came to my handwriting, I would hone in on the imperfections of certain letters and cringe. From then on, that notebook was simply dead to me. Flatlined. Heaven. RIP Thank goodness for parents who understood that needing a new notebook every couple of  months was an absolute necessity. After all, I was supposed to be ‘a brains’ as we would say in Trini #smartGyal #watchMeh.

Handwriting and hand lettering to this day remain one of my all time joys. I could sit with some paper and twist and twirl a pen like #GoneWithTheWindFabulous for hours at a time and it never gets boring. It’s one of the gifts. I have a thing for styling — people and spaces. Taking a before and transforming it to a real cool after. It’s another gift. Ideas for fashionable statement pieces swirl around in my mind — sometimes to much to even remember. Gift #3. Now the thing about all these beautiful gifts and perfectionism is that I want to be perfect at ALL at the same time. At one point I thought I had to choose just one gift and just focus on it and somehow abandon the rest. It’s something that I’ve truly battled with and hoped to eventually come to the right decision. The thing is, I can’t decide.

I’m not sure if I was meant to.

Battling self doubt and the fear of not being perfect paralyses me to no end. I’m slowly coming to the realization that it doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’ for it to be great in someone else’s eyes. All I can do for now is just do my best and just put it out there. Play, discover, and learn what works for me and what doesn’t. The over thinking thing is a beyotch and a half and it must be put to rest. So from now on, I refuse to put so much pressure on myself and simply BE and BECOME who I was meant to be. All gifts on deck!!!

PS. For those who still frequent around these here parts, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I LURVE ya’ll!!!

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